Breakdown

I am a silly, silly girl. Why oh why did I think that I could take on finals and moving and a trip to Europe all at once? Plus the curveballs of life, and I've broken down twice this week. No bueno my friends, no bueno.

Having fun, working hard.

Second semester of law school. It was so hard to start. And now with only a month left before classes end, I'm actually doing really well. Surprisingly enough, I pulled A's on all of my midterms (SQUEEEEEE!), and am preparing already for finals. I feel like I finally have somewhat of a grasp on this whole law school thing, and with some minor tweaks, and can really do it. It's an amazing feeling. I'm not scared and over preparing anymore, instead I'm being methodical, and not stressing as much. Last semester was intense...I crammed every single thing in my head that I could just incase it was tested on. Now I'm getting the concepts, understanding how to apply them, and am doing better. Now, don't let me fool you, I don't understand everything, but I'm trying to understand the concepts and how to apply them. It's awesome.

The only thing that I am nervous about right now is the summer and next semester. I'm not taking any summer classes because I'm going to Europe for 2 weeks, and the semester starts while I'm gone. So that puts me at needing to take four classes next semester, which is basically 6-9PM four nights a week.  It's busy with three classes, I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel with four. The good news is that my writing classes will be done, so that'll lighten my load a bit. And I can't try and write on to law review until the Spring semester anyway, so I might as well just take four and see where the chips fall.

Also? How everyone tells you that your law school friends will be your friends forever? I hope that's true, because I really love the group of friends that I've made. They're amazing, flawed, real people, but we have a lot of fun together, and there's some real connections made. I really do hope that I know them for the rest of my life. :)

Anyway, I know that I haven't updated in forever, so I thought I'd give a quick update on what's going on with me. As finals come up and I get more stressed I'm sure I'll update this more often. :)

Being an adult

I think that sometimes I let a lot of things slide. Things that mean something to me, things that I realize that I deserve and should ask for. But I let them slide, and instead make excuses for others. For why they didn't treat me right, for why they didn't do what they were supposed to, for why they let me down. This is true both personally and in law school. In my head, I excuse the behaivor away, and that's not good. I know what I deserve in relationships. I do, I know that. But I excuse away why I don't get it, why I have to make and force plans with anger and disappointment, why I have to make all the moves, when in the beginning, I was the reluctant one. I'm so tired of making excuses, and not living up to what I deserve. I mean, why settle? I know that my expectations can be sky high, I've always been that way. But really, right now, my expectations are not that high, they're at bare minimum, and I'm dealing with getting even less. And I really really dislike it right now. I understand that there are reasons why what's happening is happening and I probably need to hang on a bit longer, but I'm becoming frustrated with waiting. Really freakin' frustrated. All of the time. And today, I came to school, and I sat at a table, and I did the monster contracts reading, and I prepared myself for class. And I walked into class understanding the material, knowing the cases (as much as I can anyway), and feeling good about it. And that's the way that I want to feel with relationships too. Maybe it's too much to ask, but I really, really can't believe that that's too much. I'm at the end of my rope. And it's been a long, long, long rope. With lots of chances, and lots of disappointment. There's been some really awesome and good moments, too, and I can't fail to acknowledge those. The lows are low, but the highs, are so very freaking high and awesome.

So, that's what's going on in my life. I have 6 weeks left of my first year of law school. It's about to ramp up and become intense and incredibly hard again very quickly. I can handle it, it's what I do. But that's just what's a-goin' on me with me. :) Happy second half of the semester.

Dear law school:

Midterms, an oral argument, and a paper in one week?

No thank you!

Drama

Law school is full of drama. And I hate that word. I really hate people who say, "I don't do drama", because you know that those are the exact people that perpetuate it more than everyone else, and that is their defense. But people in law school? It's like, "oh I need a study break! let's make other people feel uncomfortable!". It's freakin bizarre, and I really dislike it.

Really, really dislike it, especially now that it's affecting my own personal friendships with people that I really care about. But I guess that's how it is, right? You put 60+ people together every single day with tons of stress, and this is the kind of stuff that happens. I just...am a little disappointed and disheartened by today and the state of things. By this whole week, really.

I guess that's just how it goes. Oh, how I love midterms.

Last one! One picture of me!

Taken on vacation last year while driving up the Pacific Coast Highway. :)

Dos. Dos songs.

2. Rufus Wainwright - Hallejuiah

1. Jimmy Eat World - Dizzy.

Tis all for the evening. :)